Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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