im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
