I should be sponsored by Trojan
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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