I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Randomize
