lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
