I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Drunk is a universal language darling
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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