Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
