he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
