just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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