I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
