Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
