So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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