Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
