my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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