i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
