I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
