he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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