is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
