I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
