literally had 100 drinks last night.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
you would pick up someone in the library
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
