I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
