sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
