i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I wish there were birth control emojis
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
