i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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