Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
birth control should be required to get into college
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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