So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
In other news, I just burned my penis
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
