just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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