I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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