Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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