I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
