Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
