Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
