He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
you win again, gameday.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
