its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
