I cockslap morals
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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