No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
