I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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