tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
