I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
we're making bets on your personal life
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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