i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
