It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
