yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
