I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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