I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
