oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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