she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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