I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
