I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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