your thong is hanging out like whoa
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
