so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
