Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
