I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Alive.
So much puke
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
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