Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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