I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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