tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Randomize
